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Comments 7 Comments.
I suggest going with the flow. Moderation is key to a great date. have fun.
Kissing is good but don’t get carried away… maintain your principals and values and don’t be impulsive. Sometimes there is just amazing chemistry, and there is no hurry for that!
A short kiss is fine, it lets the person know that you are interested and attracted, but hold off on any heavy make out sessions.
I agree with you Marla; a small one on the cheek @ the beginning of the date is fine, and the lips if the date went well. If there’s no kiss of any kind after the date assume there won’t be a second.
Kiss on the first date for crying out loud!!! You kiss your family and you barely like them anyways. It’s not a commitment it’s the smallest sense of physical contact and for the most part you got dinner cocktails and probably somewhat decent conversation, since you made it to the end where the question runs should I or shouldn’t I? Just do it!! It could be good practice for the next person.
Before we start dissecting the First Kiss dynamic and find out whether it’s appropriate or not, why not first ask yourself if both you and your Date are on the same page as far as what the FIRST meetup is about?
Believe it or not, when I interviewed 200 men and women and asked them to paint me a picture of what their First Date is, almost half of them said the first date should be romantic and the other half responded back with describing a First Date as only some form of ‘formal meetup’ or ‘meet and greet’.
So, who’s PERCEPTION rules during the date?
If you perceive the date as a romantic interlude to something a little bit more intimate, then the first kiss would certainly be a prelude to your ‘dessert’.
If on the other hand, you perceive the date as a formal way to meet and greet, then again, there are several roads this kind of thinking which can lead you to…one of them being you will continue your perception of a ‘formal meet and greet’ and not be able to move to a more relaxed state of acceptance, or you will see this date as an opportunity for you to get closer to him and perhaps have one-on-one time with him, comfortably, alone at last!
By the way, this dynamic also applies to men.
So which one are you?
Some people expect the First Kiss to just magically happen even when their mojo isn’t in place.
The best way to answer this is to ask yourself these questions.
1. How do I feel about him?
2. Do I feel a tingle in my mingle when I see him?
Keep in mind that some people are just downright nervous so keep your mind open at this point.
Your answers will help you figure out if both of you deserve a first kiss or not.
Kissing on the first date is not a requirement. But keep in mind, just because men want it, doesn’t mean they won’t expect it.
65% of 200 single men surveyed all over the country said they if they really want to get to know you, they knew self-control will take their experience with you to the next level, so they don’t even expect it for the simple reason that they want to see you again – meaning they know they’ll get a chance to kiss you anyway.
Not that it means he won’t kiss you if you stop, pause, bat your lashes, close your eyes and pucker your lips while he’s saying Good Night and opening your car door for you.
Now let’s take a moment to pause for a second here. Whenever you find yourself wondering whether or not you should kiss a guy after a date, ask yourself these 3 basic questions:
1. Did I enjoy myself?
2. Did I feel good being around him?
3. Can I see myself being romantically involved with him?
If you answered YES to all of these questions, then follow your heart.
If you answered NO, well, I guess I don’t even have to answer that for you.
It takes time to warm up to people even under normal day-to-day circumstances. Dating brings up a person’s fears, insecurities, and even horrible past experiences can resurface, however you can reframe your thoughts to replace negative, self-sabotaging beliefs with more uplifting ones.
Reframe long-held ‘fears’ into ‘challenges’.
Reframe your feelings of ‘insecurities’ and boost them up into feelings of self-confidence.
Reframe memories of ‘horrible past experiences’ into life-changing breakthroughs that made you who you are today.
Just keep one simple, proven principle in mind. No matter how fatally attracted you are to the other person, getting yourself physically involved (i.e., more than kissing) may interfere with your ability to make sound judgments on other facets of your new-found relationship.
This will be a choice you will have to live with.
Yours in love,
Dating Coach Ceil