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Comments 2 Comments.

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  Dating Coach | 07 Nov

  Reply

  First of all, make a list of your Dealbreakers and Must Have’s. Get a sheet of paper and draw a line in the middle to separate both lists. Creating that visual effect can be very helpful.

  Base your questions on what your Must Haves and Dealbreakers are.

  For example, let’s say a Dealbreaker you are not willing to compromise with is smoking. Ask him how he feels about women who smoke. The conversation could go like this:

  You: So, how do you feel about women who light up a cigarette in public?

  Him: Well, I really don’t like the smell of smoke, period. I can’t stand it. It makes me sick to my stomach.

  OR

  He might say,
  He: I don’t mind women who smoke. My Mom used to smoke and I just got used to second hand smoke. (cough! cough!)

  At this point, you might want to ask him the next logical question,

  You: Have you ever tried it yourself? Do you currently smoke?

  There are other questions you can ask him based on what is important to you. (go back to 2nd parapraph)

  For example, if you are not prepared to take care of a 5 year old and a 7 year old, simply ask him if he has kids and what their ages are. Don’t even wait until you are on your date to ask him this question. If you met him online, you will probably see this on his profile.

  If it is not clear as to what the ages are, make sure you ask him this question while you are on the phone with him, so you won’t waste his time (and YOUR time) going out on a first date if having kids younger than 18 is a Dealbreaker for you.

  The Dating Coach

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  Dating Coach | 28 Nov

  Reply

  I conducted an informal ‘Reverse Dating’ survey asking single men and women what they felt they should know about each other before going out on a first date?

  One of the most common complaints I hear from women is that the men they dated hardly asked them any ‘qualifying questions.’

  Qualifying Questions probe deeper into what women really want in a relationship and in the man they are looking for. Many of them believe using these Tools in online dating and asking these types of questions can help slash the dating process in half, resulting in the elimination of unnecessary dates.

  For men, they felt the women they dated probed too quickly and sometimes made them feel like they were being investigated for a crime they haven’t even committed yet.

  If you are a man, there are a few things you need to keep in mind.

  Women as separate and distinct species are genetically predisposed to be good listeners and communicators. In general, women want emotional openness, affirmations, verbal affection, compliments – just a few things that you are not hardwired to do or be. This lack of communication receptors in you, however, do not in any shape or form indicate your lack of ability to build a meaningful relationship. So, chill.

  Women just like to talk, share, get their feelings out, even as you toast your first glass of wine on your first date.

  If you are a woman, keep in mind that it is easier to get a man to talk if you ask him questions in a more relaxed, non-probing, conversational tone. Give him a space where he feels it is safe to open up with you and you will reap the rewards of your efforts. Make it light, keeping in mind that you are not creating a place to start an argument to see who wins or loses.

  Men generally open up when they feel safe.

  Here are the top 7 questions I gathered from 200 single, attractive, successful career-women who voluntarily shared their deepest feelings about dating and who were actively dating at least once a week.

  1. Ask me what scares me most about being vulnerable and opening my heart and soul to a man?
  (Listen to her tone, is she still carrying last year’s baggage?)

  2. Ask me what’s the most important thing men should understand about women?
  (This question will give you a heads up on whether or not she has self-entitlement issues)

  3. Ask me how I feel about kids, young kids, older kids, teens at this stage in my life?
  (This question will save you the trouble of dealing with a woman who is done with kids and doesn’t want anything to do with kids, or dealing with a woman who wants kids when you don’t and you are not on the same page)

  4. Ask me what a healthy, successful relationship means to me?
  (This question will give you an insight on what a woman sees as healthy and where her baseline of dysfunctional boundaries are)

  5. Ask me how I feel about sharing holidays with kids’ other parent, if both of us have kids
  (This will make you both see where your core values are about raising step children – keep in mind that single men and women who have kids consider their children the MOST important people in their lives, so this question will help you weigh in on whether you are looking at a dealbreaker for you, or not)

  6. Ask me what makes me jump for joy? And what makes me lose my temper?
  (This question will help you identify what makes her happy and what pushes her buttons)

  7. Ask me how I feel about celebrating our OWN holidays? Where I enjoy celebrating them? Do I have any strict traditions I follow?
  (Holidays seem to be more important to women than men. You want proof? Hallmark Cards’ marketing strategy was focused on the demographics and psychographics of women)

  For the ladies, here are 7 questions I gathered from 200 single men who said these thought-provoking questions might help you decide whether or not you will go out with them on a first date.

  1. Ask me how I feel about what is important to me in a relationship.
  (We all know it’s sex. Given that you are asking for the 2nd most important thing, challenge me to come up with real answers. You will get a better perspective as to whether or not you are willing to accept or reject what is important to me.)

  2. Ask me what keeps me happy when I am in a relationship?
  (Again, given that you already know a romp in the sack is what makes him tick, find out what other things keep him interested, i.e., new lingerie, cuddling, a nice, hot dinner with a cold bottle of beer after work, uninterrupted video games ‘me time’ for 4 hours, maybe just a relaxing walk around the block after dinner? Find out what you can tolerate and what you can’t)

  3. Ask me how I would react if someone turned his back on me and betrayed my trust?
  (This will give you an idea of how he deals with anger and the decisions he makes based on his morals and beliefs)

  4. Ask me about my relationship with money.
  (This will help you assess whether a man is a good provider, a wealth co-partner or a long-term freeloader)

  5. Ask me if I have ever been to a strip club.
  (Let’s get that out of the way. This will let you know If getting a lap dance is #3 in his List of Family Priorities. Think about taking up a couple of months of Pole Dancing classes you’ve been getting from Groupon and Social Deals)

  6. Ask me how I feel about my children and how I see a new woman in my life with them
  (Yes, his children are just as important to him as yours are to you. See if your core values mesh when it comes to managing a blended family – yours and his.)

  7. Ask me how I usually handle conflict in a relationship.
  (Does he give in? Does he compete to win? Does he compromise? He may tell you what you want to hear, so if this is the case, you can rephrase the question and ask him more specific examples of real-life scenarios)

  These questions are used for Educational Entertainment ( EduTainment )purposes only and have not been scientifically tested and proven on any given marketing outside of The Dating Coach’s database of thousands of single men and women.

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